Help! Everyone's trying to turn me into a vulpix!
by Twilight The Umbreon
Summary: I'm just so totally obsessed with Vulpix! Please read!


At the moment i'm CRAZEE about vulpix (from July 2001) so I decided to write this!(maybe I should start calling myself Electric Vulpix!! HEHEHE!!!) Enjoy! Also I feel like dissing Tracey, so i'm going to do a great job of it!  
  
Note: I don't write disclaimers because I am already smart enough to know I don't own pokemon. But I prompt a question to you, if everyone in the world became a pokemon would Nintendo own us all?  
  
Note To Fans Of Tracey: Do not read on. It might cause instant death.  
  
One last thing, as from July 15, I will be known as Granite Vulpix. I got bored of Electric Rhydon for some unknown reason, but I think it has something to do with my extreme obsession with vulpix.  
  
  
"HELP! Everybody's Trying To Turn Me Into A Vulpix!" By Granite Vulpix.  
  
It was a usual, boring Sunday. I was snoozing in my warm bed. Then my brother rudely interupted my blissful dreams of becoming a pokemon and what-not telling me that I had to have breakfast before 10:30 or no food for me. Glancing up at the clock on the wall. It is an hour fast and always seems to count out 61 seconds for every minute. However utilizing the same amount of brain cells a blonde has, I work out that it is 10:00 and if I don't change fast, all my stomach will have in it is gas.  
  
I bound out of bed, nearly squish my brother's yellow sex toy, throw off my clothes and notice that the blind is up and there are people staring at me from the sidewalk. I very quickly do a magic trick for them and get changed. Before I go down to the kitchen, I listen to both the applause and the sound of bottles smashing on the wall at the same time patch up the numorous bullet-holes made by secret detesters (opposite of admirers). I waltz my way down to the kitchen. "So should I have Toxic Flakes or nuke some porridge?" I think. I decide to have porridge. I put the porridge in the microwave and BOOM! the mircowave explodes sending porridge all over the place. My brother comes in, with his sex toy in his pants. "What was that? It sounded like you blew some wind." "No silly," I say to my brother "The mircowave just farted." "The mircowave must have diarrhea" my brother retorts looking at the walls.   
  
I have to eat the Toxic Flakes. I almost gag at my first bite. It tastes like a combination of brussal sprouts, two-year old dirty socks and Tracey's sweat. I don't know how I managed to eat it all, but I had to rush to the toilet, very, very quickly. I am so desparate for food, I grab raw mince from the freezer and start munching on it. Far better than Toxic Flakes, I say.  
  
When I look at the Toxic Flakes packet, I nearly vomit. AGAIN!!! On the side, it shows Tracey munching on the stuff with the ingredidents above him. Stuff like Tracey pencil shavings, Tracey's toejam and even SHOCK HORROR!!! a drop of Tracey's blood. AHHHHHH!!!!!!   
  
I place my butt on the couch in front of the television. I switch on the TV and nearly faint. SOMEBODY LEFT IT ON THE TRACEY LOVERS CHANNEL!!! Yuck! Gross! Ewww!! I thrash around, choking on my tongue and almost ripping my own eyes out. As I frail around, I manage to press the channel button. The Pokemon'R'Us Channel comes up. There is a teleshopping ad about vulpix ears. I suddenly start moaning "Must have vulpix ears" over and over until my sister comes in with her Insanity Detector. As it approaches me it goes wild and shorts out. "You know, you should stop collecting pokemon," she says "And collect better things, such as dolly wollies and tickie wickies." I gag at her stupid cute-talk. My mother comes in with something behind her. "Hey, it my grown boy. I got a lovely present for you." She presents...OH JOY!! A pair of vulpix ears. YAHOO!!! I slip them on as quick as ligntning.  
  
But wait...what's happening? I shouldn't be able to hear the next door neighbor breathing. I shouldn't hear glass breaking from ten blocks away...oh well! My dad presents me with...OH MY GOSH!!!...a pair of special "vulpix" contacts!!! I put them in...  
  
But wait... what's happening? I shouldn't be able to see every single individual hair on my brother's body...This is freaky...Too freaky...I am confused...then I hear the news.  
  
The reporter on the news says...WHATTT!!!!...NOOOOO!!!!! One, the share market closed yesterday with Toxic Flakes shares increasing by 200%! Also that if anyone sees a guy with vulpix ears avd vulpix eyes, catch him, turn him into a vulpix and cart him to the Pokemon and Digimon Zoo owned by R.U.Mon (Agumon!) the evil master! I race to the mirror to take and the mirror shatters with my scream. I got vulpix ears and emerald green vulpix eyes! It wouldn't be so bad if R.U.Mon wasn't after me but he is, so I gotta split!  
  
Suddenly, all my family members jumped out from nowhere banishing giant nets, ropes and chains. Except for my brother, who is juggling 5 chainsaws and is ready to do his famous "5-Chainsaw Missile". That technique learned from the isle of Hells Entrance involves juggling five chainsaws while they're on, then very quickly throwing them one by one. Each chainsaw is thrown at the target and the target often dies or is horribly maimed by the chainsaws. I fled into my bedroom and jumped through the window, smashing the glass and cutting my leg. I heard the chainsaw trying to chew thier way through my bedroom wall as i ran off.  
  
As I ran away from my home, people started coming out of thier houses, armed with all sorts of wierd and wonderful contraptions. Some were starting up cars and racing down the street firing potshots at me as they went! Looking with my great vulpix sight, I noticed the names of some of the weapon printed on them. Names like Insta-Pain, Anti-Flamethrower, El-Warpo Ray and even Vulpix Dart Gun! I shudder as i ran like a wildfire down the road. As I watched in horror at my hand, a beam of energy hit my hand sending tingles up my spine, then my hand quickly started sprouting red fur and changing shape. After a minute, all that was left of my left hand was a human hand size vulpix's paw. I screamed in terror as a giant net was shot from a helicopter. Fire sizzled from my mouth as I screamed, burning the net to ashes and blistering my lips badly. As I ran, the first drops of rain began falling from the sky.  
  
I had been fleeing for almost two hours when I finally was able to stop at some toilets and have a rest. I grimaced in pain as I got my pocket knife and cut a hole in my pants and underware. I slowly threaded six beautiful vulpix tails through the hole in my pants that I had grown while I was running. I then stabbed the knife into the toilet seat and pulled up my left shirt sleeve. Rich red fur had started to grow away from my paw, right my to my elbows. I also looked at myself in the mirror hanging over the washbasin. My hair had become red and short and the characteristic hair curl had started forming. My nose had become black and my entire nose had started to puff out to nearly twice the usual length. My head had started shrinking. Red hair continued to sprout from my face even as I looked on. I stared at my face, fasinated with the beautiful red fur sprouting from it. I then started patting my own tails, which seemed to make me feel much better.  
  
After a short rest, I walked quickly out of the toilets only to discover two things. One, it was was raining now. Water dripped into my ears and splatted all over me, causing great discomfort and making me feel drained and cold. Two, I had somehow ran into R.U.Mon's Digimon And Pokemon Zoo. The small cages around the zoo housed many different sorts of Pokemon. The giant house cages contained Digimon, some eating, some talking and some having fun on a PS2 or a N64. But whae ever the Digimon were doing, they were having a great time. However, the pokemon in the small cages were not having any fun. Some showed sign of cruel whip marks and infected wounds. One rattata was completely bald because of stress and had an infectious wound on its hind leg.  
  
I walked around the zoo, looking at the pitiful state of the pokemon in cages. After a few minutes, I came across a steel and cement box as big as a cupboard with signs on it like "BEWARE!", "DON'T TOUCH!" avd "DANGER! RARE AND INSANE WILD PINK SCYTHER INSIDE, HANDLE WITH CARE!" Across the thick door of the box several thick steel bars, coated with powerful bug repellant were chained in place with industrial strength chains, also covered with powerful bug repellant. A giant lock, as big as a dinner plate held the chains. This was also coated in powerful bug repellant. As I approached the steel box, it begin to rattle violently back and forth. Then I noticed the destinct sound of snoring come from the nearly office.   
  
I looked through the window. R.U.Mon was fast asleep, dreaming dreams only Digimon fans would bother trying to dream. The keys for all the locked cages un the zoo hung loosely from his belt. I carefully opened the door to the office and crept inside. R.U.Mon stirredas I slipped the keys off his belt, after about 10 minutes of working his belt bluckle open (It is very hard to undo a belt when you only have one normal human hand and a vulpix paw where the other should be). The keys jiggled as I put them around my vulpix paw so I could open the office door I shut behind me.  
  
I ran around the zoo unlocking cages with Pokemon in them. Many wept for joy. Some were silent but grateful for being rescued. A kangashkan gave me a huge hug knocking the breath out of me. Finally, every Pokemon was free but one, the one in the steel and cement box. I crept up, unlocked the gaint padlock and started pulling the chains away. The loud clanking of the chains woke up R.U.Mon with a gasp. As I started pulling the bars out, I heard a door opening. I spun around to see R.U.Mon, who was looking at me like I was on his menu for dinner. "Oh, its my smart, cunning vulpix" he exclaimed. I glared at him with very intimidating vulpix eyes. "No, I'm not a vulpix." I retorted, flames licking from my mouth in anger. R.U.Mon chuckled softly "Yes you are. You were born a vulpix and will remain a vulpix. That makes you mine" he replied with an evil grin. As I started to pull the last steel bar from the box R.U.Mon started running, arms outstretched towards me. As R.U.Mon was about to grab me, I pulled the last bar out and swung open the door. R.U.Mon found himself grabbing Pink Scyther's neck. R.U.Mon wet his pants in terror as he realised he had grabbed the wrong pokemon. Then, there was a sickening thunk as Pink Scyther slashed R.U.Mon in half. The two sides of R.U.Mon thudded to the floor, blood spewing everywhere.  
  
Every pokemon within 20 miles cried out in joy as the two halves of R.U.Mon thudded onto the blood-stained ground. Faster than the eye could see, Pink Scyther flew over to the nearest cage with Digimon inside and began torturing the Digimon. Horrible cries filled the zoo all day as one by one, each Digimon was being tortured to the point of death by Pink Scyther. I looked back as I left the zoo, watching Pink Scyther having heaps of fun torturing a family of Digimon to death starting with the youngest member.  
  
Before I left the zoo, I ran back into the toilets to look at myself again. Now, A vulpix's head rest on furry red humanlike shoulders. Silky, light red fur was quickly growing on my chest. My legs and arms had shortened slightly. I kicked off my shoes, which now hung on loosely. My feet had become vulpix paws, and my legs had red fur up to the knees, which had started changing as well. I knew that I didn't have a long time until the changes were complete.  
  
As I stepped out of the toilets, a group of people armed with all manner of nets, clubs, darts, guns, rotten eggs and explosive candy bars stared straight at me in surprise. Quickly, the group regained thier wits and started throwing rotten eggs and exploding candy bars at me. Reacting in a unusual manner, I pursed mt lips and blew. A powerful blast of fire burst from my mouth, frying all the rotten eggs into ash and melting all the candy bars. Then the blast carried the rotten egg ash and melted candy bars back towards the crowd. All of the people attempted to avoid the blast of fire, stinking ash and combustable chocolate gunpowder. Most of them failed. There was a huge explosion as the blast of fire and chocolate smashed into the group. People were hurled up into the air like rocks from a slingshot, then came back down to earth like a bunch of stones. No-one innocent person died when they smashed back to earth, but all the Tracey fans in the group splattered into pieces when they hit the ground.  
  
The group sat about, dazed. I quickly took this oppitunity to flee. I ran and ran. Rain was now falling, vapourising as it hit my body. The rain was hurting me badly now, it was like acid hitting my body. Slowly as I ran, I started stumbling and tripping over everything. It was a huge effort to continue running  
on two legs, but I continued, figuring the longer that I could continue running on two legs, the slower the change would come.  
  
It had become night now, and my human run had deteriated to little more than something similar to an infant's first steps. The sound of the group crashing through the bushes was becoming louder and louder. I realised that I could not walking on two vulpix-ish "hind" legs for long. I had to escape. So I gave up trying to run like a human and just ran using my arms(which were nearly forelegs by this time.) and legs . All the pain in my back legs caused by running on them slowly faded, as I ran smoothly on four legs. The sound of the group in pursuit rapidly disappeared as I ran like the wind.  
  
However, soon the combination of the rain, exhaustion and at the failure of stopping the change from human to vulpix made me stop running. I stopped in a tree hollow, weak, fatigued and defeated. I had failed in stopping the transformation. In the manner of just hours, I had changed from being a healthy human being to an exhausted, drained wet vulpix. I laid down as the overpowering urge to sleep came that I could not resist.  
  
My alarm clock went off, waking me up. "Funny" I thought, I had a scary dream. But it seemed so real, so vivid. I jumped from my bed, not noticing that I had land on four legs and had shook my tails. I padded down to the lounge room, and sat by the heater. The heat radiating from the heater made me feel happy and energetic. I then noticed a mirror by the heater and trotted over to look at my reflection. I stared at the image in shock I saw it. "Oh no, that dream actually happened!" I moaned as I saw my vulpix reflexion in the mirror. But then I spied something. A bowl of food was sitting on the floor, a beautiful warm, meaty smell drifting from it. I came closer at sniffed it, then I started gobbling it down. It was meat and gravy, fresh and hot. "Vulll!!!" I said with pleasure as I savoured the beautiful cooked meat and thick gravy. After I had eaten the meat I sat down and watched the television. News flashes kept on coming up all the time, good news all the time.  
  
The leader of the Tracey Lovers Fan, a powerfully built 16 year old boy, who was also a Nazi, was chatting to Tracey and viewing Tracey's numerous sketchbooks, when his front door was turned into woodchips by a pink tornado. Before Tracey and the Nazi could scream, the pink tornado had ripped all of Tracey's sketchbooks into fine paper dust. "NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Tracey moaned as the paper dust went flying everywhere. "NOT MY BEAUTIFUL SKETCHES!" he moaned again, as he avoided the tornado. Tracey burst into tears as he ran out of the house, pursued by a insane pink scyther.  
  
The Nazi could not scream at the horrible mess Pink Scyther had caused, he was now small bloody chunks, splattered all over the house.  
  
Tracey ran for dear life. He looked over his shoulder, and nearly froze in sheer terror. Pink Scyther was pursuing him, fresh blood dripping from her blades. Tracey kept on running like hell. Suddenly to his surprise, Pink Scyther was in front of him. Tracey jumped back as Pink Scyther tried to slice him in half, her blade slitting his guts open. Blood and intestines spewed from his body as he started running in the opposite direction. He was so frantic to escape, Tracey tripped over his own intestines, falling onto the grass. The grass began dying as his blood soaked into the soil. He turned face up, just as Pink Scyther swung and THUNK! his head popped out, blood pouring from his neck. Then Pink Scyther continuely hacked into his body until all that was left was a pile of chopped up flesh and a puddle of blood around it. In the puddle of blood, Tracey's heart was still beating feebly. Pink Scyther crushed his heart with her foot, mashing the heart onto a rock that the heart was laying on.  
  
The cry of joy all pokemon screamed at the moment when Pink Scyther crushed Tracey's heart, was heard all around the world. Soon everyone and everything was celebrating the death of Tracey with huge parties which made the Millenium Parties (2000) look like doing homework.  
  
The place where Tracey's blood had been spilt was never bought by anyone until in 2034, where a toxic waste site was built over it.  
  
My brother came into into the lounge room with his yellow sex toy. He shoved it into my furry face as I was napping by the heater. "My liddle sex toy pikachu wants to meet ya." he croned, as he continued to press the plush pikachu into my face, making my nose hurt. I fixed him with a hostile glare and then fire blasted his plush pikachu, frying it to ashes. My brother walked into the kitchen in silience, pulled in butchers' knife from the drawer and stabbed himself 108 times until he died. As I laid in front of the heater trying to take a nap, I reflected back on my screwed-up life as a human being and decided with a yawn that being a vulpix was better than being human after all.  
  
  
All finished!!! Review PLEASE! Especally fans of vulpix!  
Do you think I should write a sequel to this fic or not?  
Also, Tracey fans you were warned! 


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